It's a happy day, dear readers...a very happy day, indeed! In between time with my daughter who came home from college to visit me, Thanksgiving and a fun day of Black Friday shopping, car repairs and filling out all the myriad forms to convert from a contractor to a full time employee (Yay!!!) I actually made my goal. I completed my novel at a little over fifty one thousand words. Do I like my novel? No. Is it fixable to where I might come to like it? No: I strayed too far away from the original premise and I had to fight too hard to stick to a cohesive line of reasoning. My novel is choppy and clumsy. The flow happens in fits and starts with the occasional 'alright' part thrown in. The writing is of the bare bones variety and thus, is missing color and breadth and depth. It's very one dimensional right now and that bugs the absolute crap out of me. Come January or February I will start an entire re-write on it but for now...well, it's done and I have my first completed (first draft of a) novel. That's something to brag about, right? Yippy Skippy it is!
I'm not sure what, exactly, I am feeling right now. Happy of course, and very proud that I completed what turned out to be - for me, at least - a hurculean task. Strangely enough, I feel empty as well. I don't have a new writing goal in place yet (hey - I just finished a few minutes ago!), and I don't have the pressure of the NaNoWriMo deadline looming over me. It's kind of like, 'Okay, I've finished and I'm enjoying the bragging rights but....now, what?'
Have you ever had your eyes dilated? You know that feeling where you don't think you can even blink because you're sure your eyes are the size of the giant aggie marbles of your childhood (think the original super balls for my under age 30 readers)and you're sure your eyebrows are up in your hairline? Remember how your eyes felt so dry and tight? That hyper-awareness is the way my brain feels right now. It's wide open and raring to go and I'm not sure I can, or even want to, shut it down just yet. This writing is addictive stuff!
That's why I'm already not looking forward to tomorrow. I've really enjoyed the rush of writing flat out, of pulling a beautifully perfect phrase out of thin air to illustrate a thought, a color, a mood; I've enjoyed thinking chronologically and logically. Trust me, those two adverbs are not words usually associated with me. I like the exercise my mind has received during this month, the sense of accomplishment that settled over me like a warm woolen cloak each time I would post my word count, and I know I'm really going to miss the intensity of writing at this breakneck speed. Tomorrow already seems like it's going to be a really blah day.
I'm sure I will need some time to process all the things I've learned during this intense month about me and about my style of writing. I'll share some of my lessons learned in the next few days. However, until that time, I'll just sit here in my chair, doing my happy dance, because I just finished my first novel.
Wow, I'm crying (happy tears) now.
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Writing became such a process of discovery that I couldn't wait to get to work in the morning: I wanted to know what I was going to say. ~ Sharon O'Brien
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Holding you close in my heart, sis.
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Sharing your happy tears. Just don't let the novel slip away from you. If there's anything in it worth salvaging, you need to stay with it.
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