The Blank Slate

For my followers, and those of you who aren't followers but read my blog faithfully, I must apologize for not blogging as often as I should.

Here are my excuses: 

1) Friday night I had a really bad date.  I mean, so bad that I did the unthinkable:  I cried at dinner.  This sounds weird but the guy was really nice and cute as all get-out.  He just was not able to stop making sexual innuendoes and I didn't know how to respond.  He admitted that he was a 'pretty intense guy' but he was 'a passionate person' and couldn't help himself.  He offered to rub my feet under the table.  Finally, I told him that I thought first dates were for getting to know each other and that I'd like to start over (I had been telling him that I didn't like and wasn't comfortable with the constant sex talk).  Well, that didn't go over so well.  After being honest with him - which was a huge step for me to actually voice my opinion to a man - he leaned forward and told me: "God damn it, I lived with that for 27 years.  This is me and I'm not going to change now."  I told him I wasn't his wife, didn't want to be his wife, that that remark was uncalled for and unfair to me AND to him.  That pretty much ended the evening.  He didn't even walk me to my car after dinner.  I really felt so disrespected as a woman...just because we met over a dating website doesn't mean that I'm not deserving of old-fashioned courtesy and respect.  Because of this, I let myself fall into the WTF mode and I didn't think about writing something up for Saturday.  Hmmmm, lesson learned here.  Note to self:  'Self, never use a man as an excuse for not working on your writing.'

2) Saturday morning, I brooded about what happened Friday night.  I had really liked this guy from his profile and also when we first were together, I thought that perhaps something could come of it.  This is a guy who actually understood that there are many layers to me and I'm much more than what you see on the surface.  I got over the shock and anger about 10:00 in the morning and went on to putter around my apartment in my PJs until it was time to get ready to go to a party with a woman's group I belong to.  What a marvelous time I had!  This is such a wonderful group of women; I think there were close to 30 of us there.  So...I didn't write Saturday because I was brooding about a man (see note to self above) and playing Suzy HomeMaker? I was being lazy. Come on, Cath, you're a writer. Can't you come up with something more exciting than the truth?

3) Sunday:  I spent the day doing laundry, ironing (I love it when I'm in the mood which I was at that time - I'm so over it now LOL), making my bedroom more feng-shui for romance and laughing that I had even entertained the notion of bringing HIM there. OK, I didn't write because I really was enjoying my day, doing all types of nesting, homey things and appreciating the foggy weather that forced me to stay indoors. It was great to re-charge my batteries.

4) Monday:  Work, work, work!  I didn't receive a paycheck so I was on the phone all day with various departments in my company, trying to track down how I could get paid.  I can't get to Arkansas for Christmas with my daughter if I don't get paid for the next three weeks.  Also, I really like to eat and that could get dicey without a paycheck LOL.  Not that I couldn't stand to lose a few pounds but I'd rather do it by choice than forced into it.  On a bright note, I got home to find 'Santa' had dropped off a gift for my cat, Sebastian, which really lifted my spirits. 

So, my brain has been taken up with the mundane aspects of my day-to-day life.  I'm hanging on by my fingernails but I'm hanging on.  I'll be blogging regularly again, dear readers, regaling you with my attempts at editing the novel I've written and also on my progress with the new works in progress.

Does anyone have a copy of Henry David Thoreau's "Walden" I could borrow?  I would love to read his experiment on living well.  More on that in a future blog.

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The true harvest of my daily life is somewhat as intangible and indescribable as the tints of morning or evening. It is a little star dust caught, a segment of the rainbow which I have clutched. ~Henry David Thoreau, Walden
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